Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
