I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
