she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
