last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
