I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
