I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize