the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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