DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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