so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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