the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
porn star boner night. come get it.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
