I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
