Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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