jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
