is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
