It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
