I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
