i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
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