YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
