wrigley field is MILF paradise
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
