Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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