A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
