i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
