Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
