i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
