i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
