hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Randomize
