It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
sex in a hospital.. check
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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