my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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