The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
