did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
