im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize