Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize