He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
