If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
