my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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