Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Randomize
