It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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