Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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