so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
