he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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