So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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