i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
