never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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