i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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