So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
