My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
