GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize