You were right. It hurts to walk today.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
