I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
