I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize