Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
