I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
