It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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