I wannas sexs uuuuu
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
