Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
