yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
