morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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