On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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