she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
