yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
