I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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