Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
