no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
