I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
