its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
