I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
