Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
