Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
