you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
