Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
