I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
