Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
