we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize